Creepy Crawley

Time to fill out that expenses form...

The weekend just gone saw the first side across England’s top five divisions promoted. Yes, I said five divisions, because I’m a York City fan and I like to feel relevant. Crawley Town made it to the promised land of the Football League, leaving the other 23 Conference sides to scrap over the one remaining promotion place. And if you think I’m going to doff my cap in recognition of Crawley’s achievement, then you have another thing coming.

Strength In Reserve

"What the HELL was I watching on YouTube?"

We awake this morning to a brave new world. A new order is established comrades, as it has emerged that Manchester United and Arsenal have dreadfully weak squads, that behind their first elevens they can only muster players of a lower-league standard and they had better have a bloody good think about that before having the temerity to beat Barcelona or win any league titles in future.

Crawley's Cup Runneth Over

"Never you mind how much we're on a week"

With all the batshit mentalism flying around in the Premier League on transfer deadline day, I’ve decided not to dignify it with a response. Aside from an unintelligible ‘URGH?!?!’. No doubt the Sky Sports Newsroom resembled some sort of binge-driven party aftermath this morning, as Jim White stumbled around mumbling something about helicopters and Iain Dowie’s face, and Bryan Swanson beats the shit out of what was LITERALLY his transfer window, screaming something about being a proper journalist and not a glorified gameshow assistant.