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Tuesday, 3 July 2018

England Expects (Way Too Much. As Ever. Ad Infinitum)

"You know what we said pre-tournament about getting to the knockouts being a success ... FUCK. THAT. Final or you're shit."

Well well well. It seems by all accounts that England have become the first ever side in the history of the World Cup to get a bye to the final. Clearly a huge oversight on behalf of FIFA, seeing as though they wouldn’t even award us hosting rights to the tournament. Or maybe it’s their way of keeping us sweet? Either way, it’s a hell of a development for a side that have only won five knock-out games at a World Cup since 1966 (and only three of those inside 90 minutes).

Saturday, 30 June 2018

A lovely game of charades

"Lads I can't use it to check where your Uber is"

Now the dust has settled on the group stages, let’s address some of the things we’ve learned from the World Cup so far. In short, Germany are rubbish so we don’t have to worry about them in tournaments ever again, England are going to win it, four games in one day is NOT too many and no one has been kidnapped, poisoned or otherwise defiled by the Russian state (that we know of). All in all, something of a success.

Monday, 18 June 2018

Everything is different yet again (i.e. exactly the same as before)

"One-nil up lads. Keep it tig... oh."

It’s very un-Spongers for us to piss on everyone’s chips at a major tournament. But here we are, chaps in hand, aiming for the McCains. Don’t say we didn’t warn you. After four days of football, England are in town (Volgograd to be precise). Aside from witnessing the game of the tournament so far (Spain vs Portugal), we’ve seen Germany humbled by Mexico. France limping to a 2-1 win against the Aussies. And Brazil and Argentina stuttering to 1-1 draws against two banks of four aka Switzerland and Iceland.

Thursday, 14 June 2018

Preview #2: The World Cup is ACE

Just the best thing ever

There’s a major tournament on, which in time-honoured fashion means Spongers HQ is a relative hive of activity. Relative in that someone is actually sitting in front of a laptop for the first time in two years, albeit staring at a half-finished article wondering how to write an intro. But, given it’s a major tournament that’s got us off our backsides to do so, how about a preview that actually takes place BEFORE the first match? First time for everything. Here we go then. The World Cup is amazing. Here’s why…

Preview #1: The World Cup is AWFUL

"We'll just say you're on holiday"

There’s nothing like a global football tournament held every four years to spur the semi-retired Magic Spongers team into getting their arses in gear and do some typing. So in time-honoured fashion, here’s the first part of a double header on the World Cup. Ladies and gentlemen, the World Cup is awful. Here’s why…

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

The End is Nigh. Match preview: Leicester City v Atletico Madrid

"10% possession lads. That's all"

It’s not very often that Life throws us a bone here at Spongers HQ, probably because if that hateful bastard did decide to throw one at us it’d somehow break all our windows just as we’d agreed to sell Spongers HQ based on its incredible windows. That’s the kind of relationship we have – Life is generally only interested in building us up to tear us down.

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

8 Reasons Donald Trump is like a goalkeeper*

 "Let me tell you something about soccer"

Rarely can societal shocks have been as seismic as this. When Donald Trump swept to the US presidency with all the elegance and grace of an ice-skating Iain Dowie, Spongers HQ was in no little shock. And while we wish that was our excuse for writing precisely zero blog posts since July 2016, in fact we just couldn’t be arsed. Does anyone even do this anymore?