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Thursday, 26 November 2020

From the Jaws of Victory I


"The best football anthology since Falling for Football" — Magic Spongers

In time-honoured fashion, it has only taken us six years, but we're beyond excited to announce the launch of 'From the Jaws of Victory', our new book about football's glorious nearly men.

This book wouldn't be what it is without the phenomenal team of writers that have contributed to it - and before our pre-order period we'll be listing them here so you can get a taste of what's on offer. Here's Part 1!

Saturday, 10 October 2020

Match of the Data


The best thing that ever happened to football   

A strategy memo definitely not found on the printer at Premier League HQ (because no one works in offices anymore or prints things out). But, if they did happen to have a Zoom call that they forgot to put the security settings on, what follows is a purely fictional account of a purely fictional presentation to a blue-sky thinking session by consultant Stu Richermore that might have been overheard by our crack investigative reporter Doug Out [is that good enough for the lawyers? - ed] … 

Monday, 13 July 2020

FFP FFS

"Go on then. One extra year."


The verdict is in. File away Financial Fair Play (FFP) with the 'Fit and Proper Person' test. As Manchester City's two-season European ban was rescinded by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) in Switzerland, the big dead albatross that had been hanging over City’s head for a year was chucked into the sea in return for €10m-worth of pocket change. Ergo de Bruyne and Sterling stay, and financial spiral is avoided. As you were. New money 1-0 UEFA *fake crowd noises*. It’ll make for a fun summer at least.

Wednesday, 24 June 2020

LOUD NOISES


Anxiously awaiting a throw-in

It didn’t take long for THAT to lose its sheen, did it? The Premier League came back with no one quite sure how to react to it and has continued with no one quite sure how to react to it. Broadcasters have gamely tried to analyse bits and pieces while the rest of us have gamely tried to sit through entire days during which not very much has actually happened, with the only swift resolution we were promised – Liverpool’s title coronation – also extended into an interminable timeline with no end, just like the rest of existence. Even Sartre would baulk at the level of anguish involved in watching Leicester v Brighton.

Friday, 19 June 2020

THAT interview with Andrea Dossena


The greatest story never told

When Andrea Dossena was a little boy growing up in Lodi, northern Italy, he would spend hours sat cross legged outside the cathedral on the historic Piazza della Vittoria, telling strangers how he would change the world one day, many miles away from where he now sat.

Thursday, 18 June 2020

Saturday at 3pm


Joyful chaos (despite how it looks)

In many ways, normal services has resumed hasn’t it. A technology slip-up (our theory is that Michael Oliver didn’t have his watch set to vibrate), a fairly dour 0-0, a City (Kevin de Bruyne) masterclass and David Luiz playing as if controlled by a teenager wearing a headset, albeit a teenager wearing a headset that wasn’t plugged in to a console playing a game he or she had no idea how to play.

Wednesday, 17 June 2020

Things we learnt about the football during lockdown: a note to the reader of the future


The future, brought to you by Ask Jeeves

This can go one of two ways. In 80 years’ time, the reader of the future takes one look at this blog and is utterly baffled by talk of pandemics, lockdowns and The Queen’s Nose*. Or else said reader of the future becomes all at once furious, seething over the trivialities of a) having a blog and b) dealing only with pandemics, lockdowns and fondly remembering ‘90s TV shows that showcase Gary Mabbutt scoring a hat-trick.