FFP FFS

"Go on then. One extra year."

The verdict is in. File away Financial Fair Play (FFP) with the 'Fit and Proper Person' test. As Manchester City's two-season European ban was rescinded by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) in Switzerland, the big dead albatross that had been hanging over City’s head for a year was chucked into the sea in return for €10m-worth of pocket change. Ergo de Bruyne and Sterling stay, and financial spiral is avoided. As you were. New money 1-0 UEFA *fake crowd noises*. It’ll make for a fun summer at least.

Of Cakes and Handshakes

Yaya Toure in happier times

Just when you think football can’t possibly get any more ridiculous, along comes a story about a 31-year-old man being so upset about only getting a birthday cake from his employers that he’s prepared to jack in his £220,000 a week contract and leave. A grown man. A grown man who, for the record, is not only 31 years old, but earns £220,000 a week.

Never Mind The Bollocks

"Yes, I WILL be doing this every week."

Close season transfer speculation/gossip/bullshit, for me, reached its zenith in the (probably balmy) summer of 1996. When my peers and I were young enough not to know better and had yet to be infected by pessimism, especially as England had come desperately close to their first final of my lifetime until that ultimate of bastards Andreas Moller snatched away the dream in a way only a bastard of German heritage can.

The Award's In The Bag

"By my calculations, we are only about £100m away..."

This week, Roberto Mancini moved into what was surely an unassailable position as front-runner for manager of the season and overwhelming favourite for best manager in England.

Mancini’s plucky Manchester City, second place in the Premier League and a mere 16 spots and 34 points above the trapdoor relegation zone, defeated Champions-elect Manchester United, an achievement matched (as indicated by Mancini before the game) by precisely no team ever before, with the exception of Everton, Spurs and Norwich earlier in the season. An award hasn’t been this sewn up since Lionel Messi stitched the Ballon d’Or to his face in 2009.

Two (Feet)'s Kompany

Two feet. Ball. Get over it.

 There’s tackling and there’s tackling. Or something. Here’s Magic Spongers regular Dan Forman on tackling. 

Firstly a disclaimer: I'm an Arsenal fan. So if you want to dismiss this as myopic sour grapes, that's fine, I couldn't give a toss because ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME IS AN IDIOT. As is ANYONE WHO SUPPORTS ANOTHER CLUB. That's how we do debate about football these days right?

Twelve Days Of A Magic Spongers Christmas

"I was asking YOU if you thought I'D said merry Christmas to YOU!"

With (probably) our last post of 2012, we couldn't help but get in the festive spirit so in time-honoured Spongers fashion, we start off with a rant. Here's our now semi-regular (and brilliant) contributor Dan Forman with his take on 'Twelve Days of Christmas'.

Truly it's been what a Viz version of the Queen's speech might call an anus horribilis for the Premier League. In no particular order other than it features Chelsea quite a lot (which kind of tells its own story) we have had:

• John Terry abusing Anton Ferdinand (and Chelsea's handling thereof); 

• Luis Suarez refusing to shake Patrice Evra’s hand a few months after allegedly abusing him (and Liverpool's handling thereof); 

• The Mark Clattenberg affair (and Chelsea's handling thereof); 

• Roberto Mancini having to back down and pick a player who refused to warm up; 

• John Terry lifting the European Cup; 

• Newcastle's sponsorship deal with Wonga; 

• Ashley Cole defending John Terry in court;

• Arsenal putting their ticket prices up to the highest in the world, only to then not sign one of the best players in the world, but actually sell one;

• Roman Abramovich stripping out the last remaining layer of Chelsea's soul with the sacking of Roberto di Matteo;

Passing In The Wind

Andres Iniesta's cameo performance in The Illusionist

Throwing the decent journalism rulebook out of the window (because when has that ever encumbered any of Magic Spongers’ output over the past two-and-a-half years?), we’ll begin with a question. Is passing a tactic? We’ll seek to answer this in the next few paragraphs, but let’s continue with a second question. Is pressing a tactic? We ask because passing and pressing were up there in the dominant themes section of Jonathan Wilson’s ‘The Football Tactical Trends of 2012’ article in the Guardian.

Shedloads of Money, Shedloads of Problems

So now we know. A player CAN be bigger than the manager in Manchester. Sir Alex Ferguson has spent the best part of a quarter of a century arguing to the contrary, shipping off your David Beckhams, your Jaap Stams and your Roy Keanes at the faintest sign of dissent, but Roberto Mancini, hand forced or not, last night flew in the face of such folly, swapping a principled stand for a pragmatic one. That Carlos Tevez would have a huge hand in the winning goal with a delightful slide rule assist to Samir Nasri was almost a given; the scriptwriters have been in fine form at Eastlands this season.

Fair Play At A Price

Since time immemorial, Uefa’s financial fair play rules have been skulking around in the shadows of polite chat in football circles. It was Arsenal’s Herbert Chapman who first busied himself snaffling the brightest and best from across the country – Alex James, Cliff Bastin, Eddie Hapgood, Herbie Roberts and David Jack – in the late 1920s in a bid to thwart Michel Platini jr jr jr and the other suits at Europe’s governing body as he pre-empted said regulations*. From Chapman to latter day incarnations, managers have always attempted to prize as much filthy lucre from their chairman’s cold hands as possible. And after a quiet January transfer window for once, following the batshit mentalness of last year, bracing oneself for an equally capricious summer of transfer activity would be a sound idea.

Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right

"Why always me?"

Over the past 10 days or so, the Premier League and its orbiting media bodies have seen fit to dispense with perspective like a grown man discarding some raggedy old fleece he used to have as a student, and concern themselves with as little football as possible. This has been a great shame, because there was a lot of football over the past 10 days or so and some of it was very good indeed.

But more than ever we were treated to delirium in the stands and in the press as Mario Balotelli stamped on Scott Parker’s head before scoring an injury-time penalty winner. Two new rules were also invented by some angry people; namely the ‘Vincent Kompany rule’ (fictitious) and the ‘Glenn Johnson rule’ (believe it or not, also fictitious), which conveniently can be used to either excuse a dangerous course of action that was punished, or justify a dangerous course of action that wasn't.

Joo's A Crowd

"Get Wayne Bridge on if you're desperate you fuckers."

“A man is known by the company he keeps,” goes the old adage. No less true in these cynical times is the fact that behind every greedy footballer is a greedy agent. When Sir Alex Ferguson launched into a diatribe about the shady middle men cluttering up the game at the turn of the year, the context was that a few months previous, his club’s most prized asset Wayne Rooney had come within a transplanted hair’s breadth of leaving for their city rivals. As well as Rooney, the player’s agent Paul Stretford came in for criticism from Sir Alex. Diplomatically calling Stretford’s influence ‘bad advice’, one winces when imagining what the Scot said about him behind closed doors.

A Tale Of Two Owens

'If I can... just... get...the... *TWANG*'

Much like being on a night out with Magic Spongers, the prevailing attitude towards the third round of the Carling Cup among the so-called ‘big clubs’ often appears to be sniffy indifference; something to be endured and survived with as little serious investment of energy as possible. In the last few years, certainly, this has meant throwing bit-part and reserve players into the mix and tailoring a post-match response around how much potential they’ve got or how it was good experience but priorities lie elsewhere, really. ‘No disrespect to the lads that have come in’, one might say, completely disrespecting the lads that have come in.

Blooper Mario

Oh MAN UP

So Mario Balotelli’s unhappy is he? What a massive shame. What a change from his normal sunny disposition, too. Truth be told, you wouldn’t think he had many reasons to be unhappy. Admittedly, he has attached what appears to be a strip of Velcro to his head, so maybe he’s unhappy about that. No? Maybe he’s unhappy because the press won’t get off his back, or because someone left kippers in his Maserati. Maybe it’s because he’s been done for parking offences 27 times. Maybe it’s because he just can’t park at all and he needs to use those mother/baby spaces at Asda.

Do Believe The Hype

Times in Manchester, they are a-changing. Sir Alex Ferguson has never before had to entertain the fact that his neighbours are not only getting ideas above their station, but are capable of finishing the season there too. Manchester City were never supposed to have the resources for such heady achievement and the belief among their supporters, as increasingly ludicrous names and fees are bandied about each week, will only be boosted by the concern (financial and sporting) engulfing United’s. With three great spectacles and one dramatic Paul Scholes late show last season, we should anticipate another classic. Manchester derbies are back with a vengeance.

Big-Time Charlie

Before the start of Blackpool’s incredible dalliance with fame and fortune in the Premier League, Ian Holloway intimated that his side were going to have to play like world champions Spain to keep their heads above water. In Charlie Adam, the Blackpool manager seems to have found his very own orchestrator, his puppeteer, his Xavi.

Like Blues In A China Shop

In the summers between football seasons, most of us do similar stuff: go on holiday; enjoy beer gardens; pretend we don't care about transfer speculation when in fact we love it; and try not to read too much in to pre-season friendlies. This summer though, I've been doing none of that, because I've been trying in vain to work out exactly what the fuck is going on at Manchester City.

With their opening Premier League fixture now under two weeks away, City have a senior squad of 38. This is quite a lot, but it's not unheard of, especially when you consider Rafael Benitez’s small village of a squad (62 players). However, it shows no signs of shrinking, regardless of the number of players that will miss out on the 25-man Premier League squad Roberto Mancini will have to compile by the end of August. Even then though, having a few players who are 'bit-part' isn't THAT unusual. What IS unusual is when you career around the world buying players you don't need for money they aren't worth. I bet they haven't even bought a longer bench. Where's Joleon Lescott going to sit?

Perennial Bottlers Play For Right To Bottle It

"Yay! An election!"

Breathe easily friends, as we are finally approaching the end of ‘ungainly election metaphor season’, a ghastly trend which everyone (me included) found hard to resist. How perfect then, just before I put my crowbar away, that City play Spurs tonight. We can acknowledge the desperation of the ‘blues’. We can comment on their desire to become a force once again after years in the wilderness. We can enviously dislike them because they’ve got loads of money. However, the metaphor is best ended here, ahead of involving Spurs, given that everyone knows it’s frowned upon to give the all-white party any recognition at all.

Regardless, it’s been apparent for some time that change is on the agenda (IN FOOTBALL). It could be a very different type of change depending on who wins at Eastland tonight. If City secure Champions League football, they will possess the ultimate bargaining chip. Not only will they be able to outbid this season’s main losers, Liverpool, but also compete on an even footing (if not overshadowing them) with everything Chelsea and Manchester United can offer the world’s top players. If Spurs win – and lest we forget, they are similarly ill-inclined to be thrifty – the transfer market will open up to them.

If they don’t get a seat at Europe’s top table, City, despite attracting some quality players since Mansour took over a season and a half ago, will be the season’s underachievers. That might seem harsh, especially considering they are already guaranteed to finish at least four places higher in the league than last season. However, if they do finish sixth, as is their worst-case scenario, the pressure on rebuilding (again) will be intense. Mentally, this is a difficult mindset to overcome, particularly when you’re returning to it for the second time. Every big-name signing is a little bit more of a gamble. Every big fixture becomes more nervy, instead of the excitement and optimism that drives new adventures on the continent (see: Fulham). Wealthy owners are not given to promoting stability when a top four finish is the minimum return acceptable from their investment. Instability, in turn, does not build a successful club. This is City’s best chance: this first full-season attempt. Fail, and it’s back to flailing around with all the money in the world, but nothing to spend it on that would constitute an improvement from the pool of players available or willing to move.

What makes tonight so interesting is that this may be the closest Spurs come for some considerable time as well. Should City prevail, it’s hard to imagine them doing anything other than spending their socks off all summer and leaving Spurs, Villa, Liverpool et al all eating Arabian dust. Should Spurs win it’s not inconceivable that they’ll carry on spending as they have in the past, though they can’t match City. Perhaps it’s in this situation we’ll find out what the all-important offer of Champions League football is really worth. Miss out, and Spurs will have to decide whether to stick or twist. Consolidate, or spend millions more?

So who’s going to win it? Is the league going to welcome a big-spending behemoth to the top four if City prevail? Can Spurs win and compete with Europe’s elite? Or will they ‘do an Everton’ and be ushered onto the red carpet before falling over their dress, going arse over tit and never getting remotely near ever again?
In the past few weeks, particularly against Chelsea and Arsenal, Spurs have looked the sleeker, more dynamic side, though they lost their way against United as Redknapp tried his hands at those ‘tactic’ things and were profligate against Bolton. City have laboured, but imperiously saw off Villa at Eastlands on Saturday. At home, they are always a fairly formidable prospect. Ironically, Spurs are suffering a goalkeeping crisis just as City imported Marton Fulop to solve theirs. A lot, as ever, depends on Ledley King. It’s going to be a week of fine margins both on and off the pitch. Nowhere will they be finer than in Manchester tonight. Rob MacDonald

Welcome Return of the Derby Match

Blood. Thunder. Hammers. Tongs. Kitchen sinks. This season, verve and fervency have returned to Premier League derbies and, if anything, have been its only saving grace. The year as a whole has provided upsets as the rule rather than the exception and the title will certainly not go to a team that has played consistently fantastic football, regardless of who finishes top in May.

The Manchester derby at Old Trafford last September was probably the game of the season so far, though the Carling Cup semi-final encounters didn’t disappoint either. An influx of money and quality players has started to turn Ferguson’s Sauron-esque gaze away from Anfield and back towards Eastlands. Even under Sven, City were still the Premier League’s wry smile. Get some money, achieve a bit, but get thumped 8-1 by Boro’ on the last day. Beat United, home and away, but not cause too many ripples because United win the title and all is well with the world. ‘You enjoy your little victories, City’, gloated United fans, ‘because we will win the war’.

This time, however, the whole war will be condensed into 90 minutes and City have the monopoly on weapons. Ferguson reserves plenty of ire for his city rivals at the best of times, but will feel it all the more intensely now United’s season could meet its end at the hands of a club dormant for so long and a striker he chose not to retain. What probably nags at Ferguson is that deep down, he expected this to be his most glorious of years, the year in which he finally eclipsed Liverpool’s haul of titles; the year he won a league even without Cristiano Ronaldo. What he won’t have entertained is the locals not only getting ideas above their station, but finishing the season there too. This was never supposed to be City’s season of self-affirmation and their increasing belief will only be boosted by the evaporation of United’s, who have plenty to prove. With three classics already this season, my money is definitely on a fourth. Manchester derbies are back with a vengeance.

The North London equivalent between Arsenal and Spurs offered another notable encounter this week. While Harry Redknapp’s expensively-assembled side would ordinarily expect to dismantle a team worth £40m less, the importance of psychological hoodoos in football are not to be underestimated. They are certainly not to be discounted on the back of a dispiriting FA Cup semi-final defeat to the Premier League’s bottom club. Nevertheless, Tottenham roused themselves and ended Arsenal’s 11-year run as well as the Gunners’ title hopes. What’s more, it was a good game of football. Good games are not normally synonymous with local derbies (just ask the Old Firm), as pundits tend to prefer allusions to ‘commitment’ and ‘passion’ as bywords for players diving into challenges because they know the fans are really into it. For reference, see the first North London derby of the season which, aside from two Arsenal goals in eleven seconds, didn’t offer much.

Merseyside derbies, too, while not benefiting from a shot in the arm like those down the M62, or from a record finally coming to an end like in the capital, still boast two top-half teams. This season’s incarnations are notable for Liverpool delivering two performances the likes of which most people expected to see on a more frequent basis when tipping them for the title. A fairly dour performance nevertheless ground out a 2-0 win at Goodison, while a significantly more inspiring display saw Liverpool win the Anfield return 1-0, despite being reduced to 10 after half an hour. In the latter game, challenges were flying in all over the pitch, much to Andy Gray’s delight.

Derbies involving the league’s more successful clubs are starting to stand out on the fixture list again, even for those of us that strive to resist the pull of the often-lukewarm ‘Super Sunday’. City and Tottenham are closer than ever to the league’s biggest four and though their traditional city rivals continue to cling to Chelsea’s coat tails at the top, local bragging rights might be the only prize left on offer. Expect the word ‘pulsating’ to be overused this Saturday lunchtime; Hope for more of the same next season. Rob MacDonald

*This article was originally posted on Friday April 16, before the Manchester derby

Go Fourth and Multiply

The term ‘kingmakers’ has been frequently used in the last couple of weeks, mainly in conjunction with the Liberal Democrats and Tottenham Hotspur. Spurs, having lost the FA Cup semi-final to Portsmouth yesterday (and with it the chance to deny Ancelotti his first trophy with Chelsea) now play the Premier League’s current top three in quick succession. However, much like the Lib Dems, they may have relinquished the incentive to a side in blue who have enjoyed a week boasting a couple of very slick performances.

The noisy half of Manchester started an impressive eight-day spell with a 6-1 tonking of Burnley at Turf Moor, before following it up with yesterday’s 5-1 dismissal of a Birmingham shorn of Joe Hart. In their last three games, City have scored 14, conceded just two and find themselves four points ahead of Spurs, though the North London side have a game in hand. The two meet in the season’s penultimate fixture.

Could it in fact be City who are this season’s kingmakers? It’s a role they would relish, particularly if it involves delivering the knockout blow to United’s title hopes this coming weekend. The following week they travel to Arsenal, who, while buoyed by United’s stalemate with Bolton will have to consolidate against first Spurs and then Wigan before overcoming a City which will undoubtedly contain an invigorated Emmanuel Adebayor.

The Togo striker and Carlos Tevez have been irresistible recently. Add to their current form the intensity with which they have taken the fight to their former clubs in previous meetings this season and it seems that City could provide Mancini’s countryman at Stamford Bridge with a clear path to his first Premier League title long before Spurs travel to Old Trafford.

And what of Spurs? Their last Premier League result was a defeat on the road at Sunderland. A massive fixture at White Hart Lane on Wednesday looms as their players work to recover from a sapping Wembley pitch and the disappointment of losing a semi-final they were expected to win. A fully-rested Arsenal, injuries aside, are not ideal opponents for a team needing a fillip. The pressure to protect Aaron Lennon, but also to get him match fit as quickly as possible, will not lift Harry Redknapp’s mood or expression. The nagging fear that defeat in the FA Cup semi presages a similar stumbling at the final hurdle in the league will not easily be allayed. No doubt the squad’s meals will be under lock, key and 24-hour surveillance for the foreseeable future.

Both City and Spurs have huge roles to play as the season enters its final weeks, but City look best-equipped to decide not only the destiny of the title, but the destination of that final Champions League place. How the burgeoning team in blue would love to land a significant blow at the expense of the previously dominant team in red. Rob MacDonald