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Tuesday 15 December 2020

From the Jaws of Victory II


Just Barry Davies there, reading our book ...

We're beyond excited to announce the launch of 'From the Jaws of Victory', our new book about football's glorious nearly men. It is available to buy direct from us, here.

The book wouldn't be what it is without the phenomenal team of writers that have contributed to it - and before our pre-order period we'll be listing them here so you can get a taste of what's on offer. Here's Part 2!

Thursday 26 November 2020

From the Jaws of Victory I


"The best football anthology since Falling for Football" — Magic Spongers

In time-honoured fashion, it has only taken us six years, but we're beyond excited to announce the launch of 'From the Jaws of Victory', our new book about football's glorious nearly men.

This book wouldn't be what it is without the phenomenal team of writers that have contributed to it - and before our pre-order period we'll be listing them here so you can get a taste of what's on offer. Here's Part 1!

Saturday 10 October 2020

Match of the Data


The best thing that ever happened to football   

A strategy memo definitely not found on the printer at Premier League HQ (because no one works in offices anymore or prints things out). But, if they did happen to have a Zoom call that they forgot to put the security settings on, what follows is a purely fictional account of a purely fictional presentation to a blue-sky thinking session by consultant Stu Richermore that might have been overheard by our crack investigative reporter Doug Out [is that good enough for the lawyers? - ed] … 

Monday 13 July 2020

FFP FFS

"Go on then. One extra year."


The verdict is in. File away Financial Fair Play (FFP) with the 'Fit and Proper Person' test. As Manchester City's two-season European ban was rescinded by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) in Switzerland, the big dead albatross that had been hanging over City’s head for a year was chucked into the sea in return for €10m-worth of pocket change. Ergo de Bruyne and Sterling stay, and financial spiral is avoided. As you were. New money 1-0 UEFA *fake crowd noises*. It’ll make for a fun summer at least.

Wednesday 24 June 2020

LOUD NOISES


Anxiously awaiting a throw-in

It didn’t take long for THAT to lose its sheen, did it? The Premier League came back with no one quite sure how to react to it and has continued with no one quite sure how to react to it. Broadcasters have gamely tried to analyse bits and pieces while the rest of us have gamely tried to sit through entire days during which not very much has actually happened, with the only swift resolution we were promised – Liverpool’s title coronation – also extended into an interminable timeline with no end, just like the rest of existence. Even Sartre would baulk at the level of anguish involved in watching Leicester v Brighton.

Friday 19 June 2020

THAT interview with Andrea Dossena


The greatest story never told

When Andrea Dossena was a little boy growing up in Lodi, northern Italy, he would spend hours sat cross legged outside the cathedral on the historic Piazza della Vittoria, telling strangers how he would change the world one day, many miles away from where he now sat.

Thursday 18 June 2020

Saturday at 3pm


Joyful chaos (despite how it looks)

In many ways, normal services has resumed hasn’t it. A technology slip-up (our theory is that Michael Oliver didn’t have his watch set to vibrate), a fairly dour 0-0, a City (Kevin de Bruyne) masterclass and David Luiz playing as if controlled by a teenager wearing a headset, albeit a teenager wearing a headset that wasn’t plugged in to a console playing a game he or she had no idea how to play.

Wednesday 17 June 2020

Things we learnt about the football during lockdown: a note to the reader of the future


The future, brought to you by Ask Jeeves

This can go one of two ways. In 80 years’ time, the reader of the future takes one look at this blog and is utterly baffled by talk of pandemics, lockdowns and The Queen’s Nose*. Or else said reader of the future becomes all at once furious, seething over the trivialities of a) having a blog and b) dealing only with pandemics, lockdowns and fondly remembering ‘90s TV shows that showcase Gary Mabbutt scoring a hat-trick.

Thursday 11 June 2020

A job not even Jesus wanted


In your FACES, doubters

Imagine, if you will, 92 bits of fruit and veg. Actually, be a bit less ambitious – it’s the end of the week and you might be tired, or an idiot. Imagine 92 apples and onions. Quite a lot of fruit and veg that, isn’t it? Only it isn’t. Not when just six of the 92 bits of fruit and vegetables are apples. Then it becomes rather more like a massive pile of vegetables with little to no fruit in there at all. What happened? Did you forget to write out your shopping list properly? Aren’t you in favour of a balanced diet? DO YOU WANT TO SMELL LIKE ONIONS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?

Tuesday 9 June 2020

Football as Art: a retrospective (a.k.a Sachin Nakrani’s Tweet, the Totti/Heskey advert and Gary Mabbutt in the Queen’s Nose)

"So, I've been having some weird dreams ..."

‘They’ say that people are experiencing extremely vivid dreams during lockdown. Apparently, Google searches of “weird dreams” have doubled year-on-year. According to an article in the Independent at the end of April, a Tweet asking: “Is anybody else having really weird/vivid dreams during this whole lockdown or is it just me?” got 4,600 likes, which perhaps says more about Twitter than it does about dreams.

Wednesday 27 May 2020

It's Coming Back

GET AWAY FROM ME


Turns out we were mega-prescient, as usual, and were only a couple of days ahead of the government in declaring coronavirus to be completely over and looking forward to football coming home back now we can all just do whatever the hell we want without consequence.

Friday 22 May 2020

The returning face of football


The new-look Old Trafford, post-covid-19

Well, it only took a pandemic that has seen more than half the world’s population on lockdown to get us out of semi-retirement. We’ve gone 10 weeks without football in the UK and so, in time honoured fashion, here we are with our two-penneth when every horse bolted weeks ago and all that’s left are the donkeys*, some onions, and the stable door smacking us in the balls. Even the horses with underlying health conditions have finished isolating and bolted. EVEN THIS METAPHOR HAS BOLTED.