England Expects (Way Too Much. As Ever. Ad Infinitum)

"You know what we said pre-tournament about getting to the knockouts being a success ... FUCK. THAT. Final or you're shit."

Well well well. It seems by all accounts that England have become the first ever side in the history of the World Cup to get a bye to the final. Clearly a huge oversight on behalf of FIFA, seeing as though they wouldn’t even award us hosting rights to the tournament. Or maybe it’s their way of keeping us sweet? Either way, it’s a hell of a development for a side that have only won five knock-out games at a World Cup since 1966 (and only three of those inside 90 minutes).

Everything is different yet again (i.e. exactly the same as before)

"One-nil up lads. Keep it tig... oh."

It’s very un-Spongers for us to piss on everyone’s chips at a major tournament. But here we are, chaps in hand, aiming for the McCains. Don’t say we didn’t warn you. After four days of football, England are in town (Volgograd to be precise). Aside from witnessing the game of the tournament so far (Spain vs Portugal), we’ve seen Germany humbled by Mexico. France limping to a 2-1 win against the Aussies. And Brazil and Argentina stuttering to 1-1 draws against two banks of four aka Switzerland and Iceland.