ZE GERMANS ARE COMING

"More of the same lads."

A swing of David Beckham’s (RIP) right boot, a flash of Alan Shearer’s not-as-bald-or-boring-back-then forehead and that was that. England one goal, Germany no goals. GERMANY KEINE ZIELE! And so a delirious nation decamped from the pubs they were watching in to… erm, some more pubs to sing inappropriate songs about German aircraft and Lothar Matthäus’ parentage, celebrate England’s victory over the arch enemy and make bold predictions about the destination of the Euro 2000 trophy, before going home to re-enact the match on their brand new Playstation 2 (one for you there, research fans).

Two (Feet)'s Kompany

Two feet. Ball. Get over it.

 There’s tackling and there’s tackling. Or something. Here’s Magic Spongers regular Dan Forman on tackling. 

Firstly a disclaimer: I'm an Arsenal fan. So if you want to dismiss this as myopic sour grapes, that's fine, I couldn't give a toss because ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME IS AN IDIOT. As is ANYONE WHO SUPPORTS ANOTHER CLUB. That's how we do debate about football these days right?

Is Anybody Still Enjoying This?

'[Insert bad things here].'

The darker side of football has been rearing its ugly head for so long now that its neck must be in real trouble. Diving? ‘Rar!’, football roars. Incorrect and costly offside decisions? Rarrrrr! Dubious red cards and insulting language from the officials? Raarrrrrrrrr! Pelting players with coins? RAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!

The problem with this weekend was that it felt like one omnishambles (see also: ‘clusterfuck’) too far. Firstly, a procession of all things wryly considered to be the worst and most controversial aspects of the game occurred in front of our very eyes, as usual, and secondly, Ed Chamberlin’s eyes lit up like a fat lad at a hog roast as yet another chance arose to eschew analysing the actual football in favour of ‘great talking points’. As usual. And thirdly, an increasingly irrelevant Match of the Day 2 barely gave any analysis of anything. AS USUAL. A great advert for the Premier League, indeed. Well done, everyone.

English Jobs for English Workers

'What competition?'

Handing you over to a man who has obviously read the Magic Spongers blueprint - filing a piece months late - here is the ever-excellent Dan Forman on a still pertinent issue

In October last year (for it has taken me this long to get round to writing this piece) those of you without access to the Times website (or unwilling to pay a pound for the paper) may have had the misfortune to miss this fine, considered piece of sportswriting from Mike Atherton.

Seek and Lilleshall Find (part 2 of 2)

Continued from our piece yesterday so scroll down to read in order...
So if ever there were a time for centralisation, it is now. Trevor Brooking understands this and as the FA collectively back-slapped after hiring Capello, a lone voice could scarcely be heard above the din. Brooking asserted: "We must not let the debate on coaching and player development drop. We must invest and transform what we do." The coaches (in the main) understand this too. The problem is that the FA has ceded power to the Premier League, whose chairmen’s eyes glint with ever-growing dollar signs, presiding over clubs that specialise in self-interest. Until this overarching desire for Premier League clubs to make as much money as humanly possible in the short term is subordinated by the English game dire need for high-quality youngsters in the long term, the inevitable result is going to be a poor England team – with the odd high spot only arising due to home advantage (1966, 1996) or a rare confluence of good players and good fortune (1990).

Seek and Lilleshall Find (part 1 of 2)

Promises, promises. Given the alarming state of English football following the Euro 2008 qualifiers, its return to square one in South Africa 2010 makes the FA’s promised ‘root and branch’ investigation look more like ‘foot in mouth’. Or ‘head up arse’. Since Euro 2000, in fact, reform has perennially been just around the corner.

The timing of England’s ignominious World Cup exit marks near enough the mid-point of former chief executive Brian Barwick and then-FA chairman Geoff Thompson’s much-vaunted strategic review and consequent five-year plan. At a news conference to announce Fabio Capello’s appointment in December 2007, Barwick stated: “A direct part of [the strategic review] will be to work out how we take the England situation forward in a positive way.”