Going For A Barton

"I can LITERALLY punch you with either of these babies"

One unfortunate truth about the nature of these fair pages is that it doesn’t take a lot for us to dislike someone in football. An ill-considered ‘coup’ at the World Cup, allegedly sleeping with other players’ exes and being tremendously brave have all brought the Magic Spongers’ wrath raining down on John Terry, who in turn has responded by actually playing quite well, much to our chagrin.

But no amount of Bushby praying at the shrine of Jamie Redknapp he’s erected in his cupboard in the hope of a ‘literally’ slip-up, or Rob repeatedly trying to solicit statues of you from Mohamed Al-Fayed, can mask the fact that when you speak the truth – or at least attempt to – Magic Spongers is inclined to give you some credit. Or at least maybe consider comparing you with an apple.