Going For A Barton

"I can LITERALLY punch you with either of these babies"

One unfortunate truth about the nature of these fair pages is that it doesn’t take a lot for us to dislike someone in football. An ill-considered ‘coup’ at the World Cup, allegedly sleeping with other players’ exes and being tremendously brave have all brought the Magic Spongers’ wrath raining down on John Terry, who in turn has responded by actually playing quite well, much to our chagrin.

But no amount of Bushby praying at the shrine of Jamie Redknapp he’s erected in his cupboard in the hope of a ‘literally’ slip-up, or Rob repeatedly trying to solicit statues of you from Mohamed Al-Fayed, can mask the fact that when you speak the truth – or at least attempt to – Magic Spongers is inclined to give you some credit. Or at least maybe consider comparing you with an apple.

Championship? You're Having A Laugh

Premier League? Piece of piss

Three of the more unexpected stars of this Premier League season so far, at least at Magic Spongers HQ, have been Blackpool’s Charlie Adam, Newcastle’s Andy Carroll and begrudgingly, his teammate Joey Barton. More remarkable than the fact they have held their own against Gerrard, Lampard, Drogba and Fabregas et al this season is that all three were Championship players less than a year ago.

A Fight For The OK Carroll

In the same week the front page of the News of the World screamed ‘COKE AND ORGY SHAME’, the back pages were heralding a new dawn for the English centre forward. Central to both these stories was the slightly controversial Newcastle striker Andy Carroll. That the NOTW article was a non-story will come as no surprise – ‘young, rich, single man has sex with young woman and denies taking cocaine,’ being the gist. But it isn’t this that concerns me. What concerns me is Joey Barton clambering onto the ‘Carroll for England’ bandwagon (and presumably furthering his own case, which is stronger) and urging Fabio Capello to dispense with his penchant for ‘goody two-shoes’ players. Would these ‘goody two-shoes’ be the likes of Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, Steven Gerrard, Rio Ferdinand and John Terry, Joey?