England Expects (Way Too Much. As Ever. Ad Infinitum)

"You know what we said pre-tournament about getting to the knockouts being a success ... FUCK. THAT. Final or you're shit."

Well well well. It seems by all accounts that England have become the first ever side in the history of the World Cup to get a bye to the final. Clearly a huge oversight on behalf of FIFA, seeing as though they wouldn’t even award us hosting rights to the tournament. Or maybe it’s their way of keeping us sweet? Either way, it’s a hell of a development for a side that have only won five knock-out games at a World Cup since 1966 (and only three of those inside 90 minutes).

Everything is different yet again (i.e. exactly the same as before)

"One-nil up lads. Keep it tig... oh."

It’s very un-Spongers for us to piss on everyone’s chips at a major tournament. But here we are, chaps in hand, aiming for the McCains. Don’t say we didn’t warn you. After four days of football, England are in town (Volgograd to be precise). Aside from witnessing the game of the tournament so far (Spain vs Portugal), we’ve seen Germany humbled by Mexico. France limping to a 2-1 win against the Aussies. And Brazil and Argentina stuttering to 1-1 draws against two banks of four aka Switzerland and Iceland.

Chiles Play

OMG LOOK! A MAN HOLDING A FOOTBALL AT THE FOOTBALL!

Hello there, I’m Adrian Chiles and not, as has been widely reported, a thumb, knee, foot, pair of bollocks or any other bodily appendage wearing a suit. Welcome to the Euros on ITV.

We’ll be back after this short break.

Dickheads #8 - ITV's Punditry Team

Pure evil



Here's the other, slightly better half of Magic Spongers, Adam Bushby, on his more-than-just-an-aversion to three men on channel three...

"[Watching him is] like being stuck in the buffet car of a slow-moving train with a Toby jug that has miraculously discovered the power of speech… A talking Toby jug full of steaming hot piss.” Comedian Stewart Lee on Adrian Chiles.

I am 27. I earn an average wage only made average by the overtime I put in. I would say I am slightly better than average looking; women would disagree.

Adrian Chiles is 44. He earns £1m a year, which is above average. He is below average in terms of looks because he looks like a potato that a child of below average intelligence has drawn a face on.

Prats Identified - Hats in Post

The FUTURE of England

We’re up on the Mount again, get ready for the sermon everyone. We wouldn’t have had to do this if Gareth bloody Southgate had kept his mouth shut at half time. But he didn’t, did he. Or if the Sun hadn’t thought it hilarious to lead on the back page today with ‘Prat in a hat’. But they did, didn’t they. It is with a beleaguering sense of déjà vu that we find ourselves taking issue with imbeciles who don’t understand the game. Or at least understand it in some utterly warped parallel universe kind of way where England are placed sixth in the Fifa world rankings. Oh shit, THEY ARE.