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Showing posts with label Wayne Rooney. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wayne Rooney. Show all posts

Friday, 17 August 2012

Robin van POINTLESS

Only half this problem has been solved

If you’re in the bath with the door open, not only are you getting cold, but there’s a chance people might see your balls and start laughing. So, do you pour in more Radox and hot water, in order to create even more bubbles, cover up your balls and keep yourself warm – even though this wastes your resources and threatens the composition of your bath (which was fine before), or do you just get up and shut the door so no one can see your fucking balls?

Depending on how much Radox and hot water you’ve got, there’s no right answer. But let us say right now that Sir Alex Ferguson has got some pretty soapy balls (and an overflowing bath) at the moment and he’d better hope for a fair wind this season to help him close the proverbial bathroom door or he could end up getting very chilly indeed.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Roodimentary Language: A Star On The Wayne?

Apologies for the week-long hiatus on these fair pages. We’ve been busy searching out living rooms full of families and then going right up to the window and shouting “fuck off” into them. Which leads us nicely to Wayne Rooney of course.

This isn’t going to be a meditation on the rights and wrongs of using a bit of blue language. It would be hypocritical of us in the extreme to pass judgment on Rooney’s bad language having hurled far worse at the referee when Nemanja Vidic managed to avoid a red card for a professional foul for the 1,295th time of his career, and when our own editorial policy runs something along the lines of ‘Copious Unprofessional Nasty Terminology’ (CUNT).

Friday, 4 March 2011

Podcast Episode Two: To Me, To You

Here we go: the difficult second podcast. This week: we discuss the state of refereeing in the game, the tightening bottoms at the Premier League's tightening bottom and much of the same inanity as last time out.

Just click the arty picture. Lovely.

Monday, 28 February 2011

Ruling Nothing Out


Not for the first time on a Monday morning – if you take out the obligatory ‘is this a dream?’ moment upon reading the headline ‘Ashley Cole shoots youth with rifle’ – ill-discipline and FA/Premier League sanctioning (or lack of) are the order of the day. Wayne Rooney, certainly, should have been punished. Gary Caldwell, too, committed a dreadful tackle on Patrice Evra for which he was lucky to escape the referee’s attentions. Neither were particularly necessary challenges, but at least Caldwell was in the vicinity of a player with the ball. Rooney’s elbow on James McCarthy bordered on assault.

Friday, 26 November 2010

Sir Alex’s ROOney ROOse PROOves ROOmarkable

"How many times do I have to say SORRY"

While all the talk before the United-Rangers game centred on speculation regarding the type of reception Wayne Rooney would get, was I the only one to doff my imaginary hat at the way Sir Alex Ferguson has dealt with this situation from start to finish? When Sir Alex persuaded the Glazers to put their hands deep into their moth-infested (and possibly empty) pockets to keep Rooney at Old Trafford, I would imagine he sold it to them thus: “I want him to rot in the reserves for his insolence if I’m to tell the truth. But I tell you what we’ll do. Offer him what Stretford wants. Give him the £250k a week. Give him a get-out clause.”

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

A Nation In Stagnation

'What time you getting back tonight mate?'

In the aftermath of England’s World Cup exit, the Guardian opined that: “The tactics creaked as painfully as the veterans and Fabio Capello's ponderous 4-4-2 would have made players lumber even if they still had a spring in their step”. How easily Kevin McCarra could have been writing about last night. Seven points from nine is not an unmitigated disaster for the English, but such was the despondency this morning that you’d think the team had been insipidly knocked out of a major tournament all over again.

Thursday, 24 June 2010

England's IncongRoonety


While Fabio Capello’s much-vaunted changes to his starting line up had the desired effect, they still made for a fitful, frustrating evening for Wayne Rooney, who has so far struggled to profit from the formation that bore so much fruit in qualifying. England have coped without him in squeezing out of a fairly weak World Cup group, but they will need him to fire as they go deeper into the tournament. So far though, England have not embraced Rooney’s strengths, while the man himself seems short on dynamism.

Playing alongside Emile Heskey, Rooney attempts to profit from his link play with runners from midfield. It gives him opportunities to play on the last defender, but England – particularly in their first two matches – become obsessed with Heskey as a lynchpin. This requires Rooney to drop deeper to get the ball as the Villa man continually, while holding it up well enough, plays sideways or backwards. While it worked in the qualifiers, Heskey was some way off the Villa first team for most of the season and is not the player he used to be. Meanwhile, as a dynamic counter-attacker, the directness Rooney can provide needs to be presaged by direct service to him, not through a proxy.

With Jermaine Defoe starting alongside Rooney last night, he was forced to relinquish even a theoretical position on the shoulders of the defenders as Defoe naturally occupies this space. Rooney should thrive here, with a pacy forward to complement him, but the problem with Defoe is you don’t link with him, you play him in on goal. Rooney plays a much more traditional number 10 role alongside the Spurs striker and while he had one chance last night, brilliantly saved, his scoring opportunities have been few and far between. The pressure is on him to find goals, meanwhile, is immense.

It’s not as if Rooney can’t manufacture his own chances, but he hasn’t looked like scoring in three games. Which begs the question: Is all right with England’s talisman? It is hard to spearhead a team playing so poorly, but even before Capello withdrew him last night, he looked short on fitness, form and confidence. These aren’t the traits we expected him to be sharing with Fernando Torres before the tournament began.

Gone is the 17-year old who stunned Europe in 2004. Rooney no longer exudes that carefree and exuberant fearlessness in matches and while his efforts remain at 110%, he has not looked happy at this tournament. Talked up before every game by team mates and opposition alike, the burden of his nation’s expectations appear to be sitting slightly heavier on Rooney’s shoulders than they have in previous years and combined with a lengthy season of responsibility and a recent injury, he does not look the striker of six months ago. He looks a man preoccupied with his own form and his own ankle.

The knockout stages may yet invigorate him, should he convince himself he is fully fit. Where spontaneity and submission blows are required, there are few better to have in your side. I fully expect the belief to come flooding back when needed most and from here Rooney can only make grander impressions with each passing game. However, England’s formation doesn’t seem to favour him and it remains to be seen if Capello has any plans to help liberate his best player. Rob MacDonald